4 Mistakes You Should Not Commit!

Some people are so scared of starting a basic conversation that they go into a cocoon. On the contrary, we have people who are overconfident that they annoy the other person unbelievably.
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Sometimes I wonder our world is full of opposites. Even when one connects with others we get to see this abundance of opposites… sometimes these opposites are super amusing too. For example, some people are so scared of starting a basic conversation that they go into a cocoon. On the contrary, we have people who are overconfident that they annoy the other person unbelievably. Strange, isn’t it?

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Let me share this weird incident that happened to me few days back.

A WhatsApp message came to my number at 00.45 am in the night from an unknown number. People who know me well, will tell you that my phone is kept on silent mode 9pm onwards and goes to flight mode after 11pm. I didn’t see the message in the night. I was busy with morning chores when I saw the message in the morning. I thought of looking into it later. In the meantime another message popped up from the same number. This is how the conversation went on:

Unknown: dear srijata, how you doin’ {the message that came at 00:45 am}

Unknown: hello, good mornin’

Unknown: you own ridhani. {Ridhani is my Fashion Business}

Me: Good Morning. May I know who you are? I don’t seem to have your number saved.

Unknown: i’m xxxxx, MS in electrical engineering from the state university of new york at buffalo {I am masking his name to protect his identity}

Me: Do I know you?

Unknown: you know aaaaaa bbbbbb {Tells my cousin’s name, who is a single girl}

Me: Yes I do… How does that matter?

Unknown: she’s seekin’ a groom, can you please connect me with her.

Me: I don’t understand.

Unknown: she has a profile online

Me: Who are you?

Unknown: you are friends with her, please connect me with her

Me: I didn’t ask who is aaaaaa. {I tell him my cousin’s name}

Unknown: I’m xxxxxx

Me: First tell me who are you… How do we know each other?

Me: Your name is not enough…Neither your academic qualifications.

Unknown: aaaaaa has a profile on shaadidotcom

Me: Do I know you personally? We are not talking about aaaaaa here. {I am now visibly annoyed.}

Unknown: i learnt that you are friends with her. i wanna connect with her

Me: Do I know you?

Unknown: and discuss. please help me connect

Me: Is that the reason you contacted me? {By now I am completely annoyed by him for obvious reasons!}

Unknown: i humbly request you

Me: Is that the reason you messaged me at 1am in the night? And messaging me now? Can I assume we don’t know each other personally? {The person doesn’t seem to answer my repeated questions at all!}

Unknown: i kinda like her profile

Unknown: yup {Finally! He answers… Yay! What a considerate man.}

Unknown: please share her contact #

Me: I can’t help you with this.

Unknown: can you please share my # with aaaaaa and and ask her to contact me please

Me: I don’t think you are that kind of person with whom anyone would want to speak properly.

Unknown: i’m well-verse with bong culture and know bangla too. i superlike!! {Just because he knows her culture and language, she will fall head over heels for this man!}

Me: Your courtesy is not in the right place.

Me: Doesn’t matter.

Me: You don’t know to respect another woman… Hence everything else is negated.

Unknown: she has a profile online but contact details aren’t there. i learnt you are friends with her. hence asked you for help. did i say anythin’ wrong to you yet

Me: Your type of men are the reason why women don’t have contact number on their online profiles

Me: Yes, you did… You didn’t divulge me who you were and why you messaged me right at the beginning.

Unknown: if you can help , please share her # or share mine with her

Me: I am going to do neither. I don’t need to do either. I am not obligated. Just because you like her, doesn’t make it compulsory for me to do anything about this.

Unknown: upto you

Me: Absolutely… Good that you understood. It is TOTALLY up to me. I am happy you finally understand that. Please don’t message me again.

Unknown: you are so rude

Me: And you are an IDIOT!

The messaging didn’t stop here. He went on to justify that he is a good person, honest, hardworking and a caregiver. He was in fact puzzled why I was getting so mad at him. According to him he was polite and didn’t say anything wrong.

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Do you think I was mad at him? Was I being unreasonable? What do you think about this whole incident?

He had all the ingredients in right place for becoming a disastrous connection expert! You would ask me, why? Let me put a list down for a ready reckoner. You want to connect to the opposite gender, especially a woman, avoid these insanely costly mistakes:

  • Do NOT send message after 10 pm. Especially when you know you are messaging for the first time. [That’s exactly what he did!]
  • Do NOT message in short forms, especially when you are messaging them for the first time. This is not formal at all, and makes you come across as crass. [I particularly hate people who purposely message using short forms and wrong spellings!]
  • Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT hide your identity and motive for messaging the person. [Deep into the conversation he didn’t answer my questions straight!]
  • Last but not the least, know that just because you want to be connected to someone that doesn’t oblige them to do the same. If you want to get connected to a new person in your life, make them as comfortable as you can at the very beginning. Getting connected to them IS NOT YOUR ENTITLEMENT!

What is even worse is that even after telling him multiple times, he couldn’t figure out where he went wrong! He never bothered to analyze why I had to be rude to him. He thought just because he likes a girl online, he could not only stalk her, but also stalk other people on her profile. So that he can reach out to them and pester them for her contact. ONLY and ONLY because he likes her and she wants to get married! This sense of entitlement is really appalling!

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I always say, while making new connections never use your privilege to influence the other person, unless asked. Else you will lose the opportunity to connect, forever! That’s exactly what happened, he tried to influence with his name, degree from a foreign university and the sense of entitlement… and goofed it up miserably.

Do you have any such disastrous incidents of someone trying to make a connection with you? Or have you done anything like this before? Do share your thoughts in comments.

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Author | Professional Speaker

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