Have you ever wondered why you feel connected with some and find it difficult to even strike a decent conversation with others? It’s so easy to reach out to some people and it’s so difficult to say Hi! To others?
I used to feel the same way few years back and I kept getting irritated that these people didn’t know how to talk or they were not as articulative as I was, or they suffered from inferiority complex. I used to feel offended that they wouldn’t respond. I would judge them thinking they were snooty and strong headed or they were just plain dumb!
Once, I went for an interview with mid size startup. I was to go through 4 rounds of interview, as the position I was interviewing for needed all the department head’s nods. I had to collaborate and communicate with various departments so that work happens smoothly.
First round was with my would be immediate boss. He was welcoming and approachable but calm and composed man, hence we connected well. He took the lead and explained me the job before asking me work related questions. We got along well, so much so that we started talking about life in general, startups, his dreams, my dreams etc. In fact because of our discussion an hour long interview session was extended to two hours!
Second round was with the HR. This guy was a bundle of energy. It was one of the most interesting interviews I have ever been to. He knew how to gruel the candidate without them realizing for a second what’s happening to them. He was a brilliant communicator. Again I felt connected to my interviewer.
Third round was the technology head. He was cold, and unresponsive. He wouldn’t look into the eye while talking or asking questions. Had very simple questions to ask. I felt he had given up on me, even before the interview. And I felt totally disconnected.
The fourth round was with the Founder of the company. Both the HR and my would be immediate boss had told me I had to impress him. He was a tough nut to crack etc. They told me that the final decision would be the his. I was prepared to nail it. When I entered the interview cubicle, he was sitting turning his back towards me. I greeted him, and he turned slowly. There was no reciprocation to my greeting. He was a stone faced guy, who didn’t even tell me to sit down. In my mind I was thinking how on earth am I going to impress this guy? He hardly asked me a question or two, that too very generic. When I answered with all the enthusiasm and energy, his response was a cold Hmmm…
It’s a no brainer that this didn’t materialize at all. I lost the job for obvious reasons.
However, as I always do, I analyzed this incident. That helped me find certain patterns what we all follow while connecting with others. And these habits are mostly a deal breaker.
- We generally expect the other person to take the lead. I did the same mistake, hence, I connected with the first and the second interviewer and didn’t connect with others.
- We assume everyone around us will have the exact same temperament as us. The first and second interviewer was warm, welcoming and enthusiastic so I connected. Others had a different behavioral trait, hence I didn’t connect to them.
- We have pre-conceived notion about a person, therefore we develop a certain understanding of them. After that it becomes difficult to connect with them on a different level. It happened with the fourth interviewer. As I was already given a download on who he was, how he was, what I had to do to get this job etc. I was frozen and couldn’t connect openly.
Imagine if I had approached this situation differently and knew how to deal with it. I would have definitely got the job and I would be somewhere else.
Do you feel if only you could connect with the person well, you could have done way better in life?
Do you feel if only you could come out of these self limiting habits while connecting with others, life would be much enriching?
Do you feel if only you could connect with anyone and everyone no matter how different they are as people, whether they are reciprocal or not?
I felt the same, and worked on myself. I developed a system which helped me come out of these limiting beliefs over a period of time. Now I can take up a challenge that I can connect with anyone and everyone. So what? Well, this has helped me in numerous ways. I don’t struggle to get my work done, or get my points across. I find it easy to put my cause forward, without having to struggle for it. It helps me not only save a lot of my precious time, but helps me save a lot of money as well.
Want to know more about my system? Do comment on this blog and I will get back to you. Happy connecting!
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